Friday, January 27

Madea Goes to Jail, but Oprah goes scot free

Tyler Perry's 'Madea Goes to Jail' hits theater screens in FebruaryTyler Perry

Tyler Perry's second outrageous flick, Madea Goes to Jail, is scheduled to put America on lock down in February, and I'm going to be among the guilty doing time in a theater, getting my hee-haw on. But after seeing Tyler on Oprah today, I got an idea. He should call the next one Oprah Goes to Jail. Why? Because she insisted that he close her show by showing the audience how to do that thing. You know, that thing that assaults the senses worse than the smell of tar. That damned dance, the Electric Slide.

Of course, Tyler Perry obliged and led a dozen giddy women in an on-stage Electric Slide-a-thon. It was like "Showtime Over at Harpo." And you know who played Kiki Shephard.

Unfortunately, mainstream America already knows the Electric Slide

So look out, y'all. There's about to be a tsunami of daytime ladies reinvigorating this maddningly uneventful dance that's obviously beloved by The Big O. She even told the world that whenever black folk get together, the event culminates in the Electric Slide. "Even after funerals," she added.

Huh?! This simply is not true. Makes me wonder who Oprah's hanging out with these days. Is this what she and her friend Gail do when they get bored in her deee-luxe apartment in the sky-y-yie? Move on up off the $30,000 sofa and start sliding across her Italian marble floors?

Lawd, let's hope not! So don't believe the hype, folks. You're being hoodwinked.

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Isn't this a bit like perpetuating A Million Little Lies?
Best selling book A Million Little Pieces continues to sky-rocket in sales on the heels of the author's apology for its embellishments on Oprah

I think Oprah should devote an entire show to addressing this gross err in judgment. For endorsing this weathered zombie march. She should bring back Tyler Perry and grill him about his ghastly decision to end both of his Madea movies with this square dance. He deserves an electric zap on the wrist for misleading Oprah and her loyal flock of sheep about black life.

I can see Oprah now, having been advised by the NAACP to do damage control. A few weeks from now, she'll have Madea seated beside her and looking upset. (Tyler was too fearful to face the cameras after that Larry King disaster. So he pushed big, bad Madea out the dressing room to hit the sofa this time.) Oprah and Madea are already sweating; the public scrutiny and stage lights are too intense.

"Madea," Oprah will say, "I feel duped. But more importantly, I feel you've betrayed millions of couch potatoes. Those who relie on me to tell them what to read, who to like, and how to dance."

"Looka here, girl, I made one lil' ol' mistake," gray-haired Madea will utter. "But the next movie we make, I'll end with a dance that shows the world what black folks are really doing behind closed doors."

"For real? Which dance?!" Oprah will insist, with eyes wide and sparkling. "The Smurf? Bankhead Bounce? No, I know: The Harlem Shake, right?"

Madea will wave a dismissive hand at the idea of those equally passe (but at least of a recent decade) dances, and rise to her feet. "Get up off of that couch, chile," she'll roar as her bullet-bosom shutters against her wide belly. "Let Madea show you -- and everybody -- the dance we doin' now. We call it the Snap!"

On comes Laffy Taffy, and that big sixties wig flops from the body shocks...

# # #

Article on the Atlanta-originated dance craze: Snapping
D4L's music video, Betcha Can't Do It Like Me, spotlights Snapping.

Clicks to Miles Davis catalog, but explore as you like


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dayum! They did the Electric Slide on Oprah, just like at the end on Showtime? She got a little homegirl in her, I guess.

6:45 PM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

i just couldn't believe it. didn't WANT to believe it. tyler looked almost embarrassed that Oprah requested him to lead the dance. but how could he say no?

7:53 PM  
Anonymous blktxgold said...

Fo' sho. That is the dance that won't die. I hated that people wanted to do it at my b'day party last year. I only let it happen cause my mom and her friends like it.

11:41 AM  
Anonymous UDAMAN said...


Oprah is the Premier Purveyor of Afro-Kitsch in the United States.

She has made billions exploiting the baser aspects of the 'black' experience for the mass consumer without regard for the merits of family-oriented entertainment or its more substantive influence upon the minds of young people of color.

RE: "The Color of Purple" replete with an abusive pedophile male lead and his collection of female victims who find escape in a shamefully insidious tribute to sapphic 'liberation'...

or "Beloved" - Yet another dysfunctional family setting that is so spiritually adrift that demonic possesion is served up almost as a relief...

...but one man's chitlins' is another man's caviar...and she does maka da big bucks...

...and you complain about "the Hustle"?


6:31 AM  
Anonymous UDAMAN said...


the 'hustle' = the electric slide..

6:44 AM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

yeah i know. sometimes you gotta let the old folks have some fun, too. just grin and bear it. lol

6:56 AM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

sounds like you're no fan of The Big O. she straddles a strange fence in my mind, too. a VERY strange fence...

i won't go as far as saying i feel nearly as strong as you do. for one, i had no issue with either of those movies, as both movies spoke to certain truths as i believe them.

but in the context in which you've put it, i can see why you think my issue with her 'electric sliding' is small potatoes.

ps Color Purple is one of my favorite movies of all time. i'm in love with the bittersweet south.

7:02 AM  
Anonymous JustDaFax said...

I have to agree with Udaman. Oprah hasn't ever really done a lot to promote positive images of African-Americans, other than herself. She has always kept a little between herself and the black community.

8:46 AM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

yup, it's weird isn't it? she plays it pretty carefully about what she aligns with in the AA community. i guess it's all about strategy, though. and how you gotta play it most times in america to win.

3:38 PM  
Anonymous flexitright said...

That was crazy. LOL People act like nobody else's so-called memoir has stretched the truth here and there before. Far as I'm concerned, all those books take some type of creative license.

10:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Snap! That dance is da BOMB!! lol

3:10 PM  
Blogger Berry said...

hee-hee!!! Great post!

7:58 PM  
Blogger Georgiapeach said...

wonderful post! Loved it. I have never seen a funeral where they did the electric slide at the end. That's just goofy.
Loved the article on snap music. Thanks.

6:52 AM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

yup, that's what our girl Oprah told all the peoples of A'murka that we be doin' at funerals. all but dancin' in the aisles like Beyonce...?

6:48 AM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

you are sooo right! memoir writing is not like writing a math book, and one should never believe each syllable as such.

memoirs are meant to be enjoyed, just like plays, poetry or any other creative expression. to tell a story worth anyone's time, you have to dial-up a few elements here and there. otherwise, real-life -- told word for word -- can get a little boring.

6:51 AM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

i love that dance and the simple-azz beats behind it. lol i marvel when watching people do it, the really good ones, who strike attitudinal poses with their chins lifted up. reminds me of Voguing -- the best dance ever created.

6:55 AM  

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