Friday, January 20

Will the real Slim Shady PLEASE stand up?

Hmmm... Are Americans being played like Boo-boo the Fool? As in this Jack-in-the-Box called Osama bin Laden, who conveniently pops up with a new, menacing video whenever the Bush administration calls Maaco. Or Hollywood Central Casting.

Need more money to sink into that five-finger oil discount? Hereeee's bin Laden.

Are the president's poll numbers plummeting? Hereeee's bin Laden.

Americans are outraged about illegal wiretapping? Boi-yoi-yoing: bin Laden magically popped up yesterday. After a year and a month secluded away in "rehearsals."

I swear, this Osama cat seems a cross between Santa Claus and the Boogey Man. Of course we can't find Osama... Perhaps because this Osama. Doesn't. Really. Exist!

The only factor preventing me from crying "They're Wagging the Dog!" is the absence of these two names from Osama's high-profile American shyt list: Colin Powell and Condoleeza Rice. This might be a "black thing" that no Cecil B. DeMille would understand. That, or Osama has never considered them real heavyweights in the administration...

Still, will the real bin Shady please stand UP?
I'm your boogey man, boogey man.  Yes I am...

Please stand UP...
Ho! Ho! Hold up! That was bin Laden in the chimney?

Please stand UP!
bin Laden action figure

And I've gotta say, in the spirit of the inimitable words that Ray Nagin (unsuccessfully) ripped from George Clinton: "What's hap'nin, C.C.?!"

Can't go digging through my crates right now, but I don't think NOLA pre-Katrina exactly paralleled what Parliament's Chocolate City was about. Wasn't G-Funk rapping about a bit more than D.C.'s majority black population? Wasn't his point moreso about the collective, progressive vibe of the city in those days?

Me thinks the Chocolate City that Nagin vows to resurrect could use some extra cups of the sugar. You see, before Katrina, one of the more powerful images coming out of the Big Easy was that of slain rapper Soulja Slim, whose "boys" stood by his side... Shockingly ripping the extreme ice from his wrist before his body had even turned cold. I'm not saying that couldn't happen today in D.C. or anywhere else. I'm just sayin' some chocolate is too bitter, even for its own.

In other words, many NOLA residents seemed to feel the city needed quite a cleaning long before Katrina broke those levees. So now, it sounds like many families that were flushed by Kat aren't rushing back. By unfortunate default, some may have landed in safer communities, nicer domiciles. Found better school systems for their children. Found hope of comparable or better jobs.

I guess we agree on one thing, though, Mr. Mayor. We do have to look inwardly and take better care of our own. But did you have to go all Pat Robertson on the Mothership to make the point?

So will the real C.C. please stand UP?
Dr. King's historic March on Washington set the pace for the proud, majority black city that D.C. would become.

Please stand up...
Parliament's 'Chocolate City' album cover

Please stand UP!
Million Man March

Last but not least... What's up with the Condi for President rumblings? Is this just a ruse to knock the wind out of Hilary Clinton, divide and conquer style? Knowing full well the old Republican boys won't support the seating of a sister in the Oval Office. Or a woman, period.

I suspect the lip-licking men of the RNC are somewhere searching for two pairs of ladies' boxing gloves. Eventually, they'll have both chicks in wet t-shirts or a mud box, forcing them to cancel each other out.

This is America, after all. Not England.
Margaret Thatcher, former Prime Minister of England

Not Liberia.
Ellen Johnson-Sirleaf, President of Liberia

Not Chile.
Michelle Bachelet, President of Chile

Not India.
Indira Gandhi, former Prime Minister of India

Not Israel.
Golda Meir, former Prime Minister of Israel

Not Finland.
Tarja Halonen, President of Finland

Not Ireland.
Mary Robinson, former President of Ireland

Not Germany.
Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany

Not even Canada, where the Queen of England has appointed a woman of Haitian heritage as her de facto Commander-in-Chief.
Michaelle Jean, Governor General of Canada

So will our real Madam Champion please stand UP?
Will Hilary and Condi wind up duking it out a la Laila Ali?

Read more:

Clicks to Miles Davis catalog, but explore as you like


Anonymous UDAMAN said...

Dear Vice President-Elect French:

I would like to congratulate you and President-Elect Condolezza Rice's landslide victory in yesterday's Presidential election; it was a moment which all of America, and the world has been hoping for!

Who would have thought, a sister from the right, and a sister from the left would have united ALL of America behind a common theme of hope and strength: "the Tubman-Truth ticket".

Your literary star continued to captivate America after the publication of "Daddy's Gonna to Buy That Baby a Jaguar."

Condolezza Rice and Colin Powell made us Playas on the international scene and served our country magnificently.
Ever since the Presidential law of Succession was passed in 1947 no person of african lineage has been this close - 4th in line to the Presidency - except under President Bush - so it was inevitable.

The shocking defeat of Hillary Clinton at the polls this November wasn't helped when a memo with OBL's talking points with on DNC stationery was leaked to the Washington Post, either.

The cumulative brillance, yours creatively and Ms. Rice's administratively (like the left and the right hemispheres of the brain) will continue to shine the light not on our domestic problems, but into the dank caves of the world where the vermin of terror are meeting their firey end.

Peace and Much Hope!


5:07 AM  
Blogger Viqi French said...


lol. you are too, too much. love the letter, love. and let that DNC stationery burn in hell.

5:56 AM  
Blogger Naro% said...

Way to drop it!

11:06 AM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

thanks, naro%. i'm sure the big wiretappers in cyberspace are loving this one. they can copy and paste this mofo all they want!

12:08 PM  
Anonymous keithpullingteeth said...

Second time here and glad i came back in tiem for the Slim Shady article. Good points - one.

10:05 PM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

keith, glad you're back for the Slim Shady Show. lol

6:38 AM  
Blogger Georgiapeach said...

That was an absolutely wonderful post! Girl, you gave me the entire run through, and I was definitely feeling every word you were saying. Especially about chocolate being a little too bitter sometimes..Great point. Thanks for visiting, I will definitly be a visior. See ya later.

8:58 AM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

hey georgia,

so true, we are ruining our very own too much. who "wants" to live in these circumstances, where your kids can't even play outside without the parent worrying about one issue or another coming to harm them?

9:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn! This is so on target and right in everybody's face. Peeps can sleep if they want to, but it's too much B.S. going on in every corner you look. I likes this one. Real shadey.

3:33 PM  
Anonymous DenMark.e said...

You have nice blogger. Good to hear the music of Outkats and writing of politics.

1:18 AM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

sure you're right. shady defines the times, it seems.

5:44 AM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

are you really from across the big pond? if so, come back and invite us to one of those infamous coffee shops sometime. :-)

5:48 AM  
Anonymous blktxgold said...

Nice surprise to see Miss Ali at the end of your piece about the 2 women coming up in the next prez race. They will def be duking it out. haha

This is a very entertaining blog. Check ya later.

9:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm not sure about Ossama really existing either. I guess it's a real person, but for all of Dubya's tough talk, its amazing that he can not be found.

Seems like we should wake up about Ossama same way we did about the WMD mistake.

12:23 PM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

i like hillary but don't know if she'll get the support she needs to win. the republicans HATE that woman and her husband, so will be out for her jugular.

4:51 PM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

agree. after the WMD situation, it's hard to trust anything you hear coming out of D.C.

4:52 PM  
Anonymous reale4real said...

Frankly, I don't agree that 2 females will cancel the other out. IMHO, the problem will be that certain males won't trust a female to be in office so wonn't vote for neither one of them.

4:48 AM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

hi real,
ahhhh yes, getting a respectable number of men to vote for hillary might be a real problem. but run she must, i suppose. someone's got to at least tap at that glass ceiling.

5:02 PM  
Blogger Lili said...

I am waiting for the Condi announcement too, which will probably happen as soon as Cheney's health declines.

I thought the same of the Osama thing---definte wag the dog similarities....

9:15 AM  
Anonymous UDAMAN said...

Well...they must have been waggin' it for a pretty long time:

"As to what you said about the attempt to assassinate President Clinton, it is not surprising. What do you expect from people attacked by Clinton, whose sons and mothers have been killed by Clinton? Do you expect anything but treatment by reciprocity?" - Osama bin Laden May 1998 from an interview with ABC reporter John Miller.

Osama bin Laden Declares war on America 1996 fatwah.

...if they want Condi to run...they would have to draft her...but she is a realist, too and understands the culture of race and that alone, she is far more prinicipled than Hillary who assumes its her's to own by race AND power...


2:05 PM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

hey lili,

i think you're really onto something re: cheyney's health and how that'll start people (e.g., Condi) making moves. it's going to be deep it happens.

7:47 PM  
Blogger Viqi French said...

oh, alright, uda. can't quite argue that long a wag-time. lol

7:51 PM  
Anonymous UDAMAN said...


Exactly, Viqi...why would Clinton 'Wag Da Dawg' with Osama if his threats were real?


7:46 AM  
Anonymous UDAMAN said...



In case you didn't notice: that sorta nullies your Artsy Hypothesis about Bush waggin' da Osama dawg...


4:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe all of these bastards are making up "Osama". Clinton needed something to wag to get the glare off his cigar-arma. Bush needs something to get the glare off all of his incompetent moves.

3:44 PM  
Anonymous UDAMAN said...


I will even give you some props for at least trying to be 'fair'...AND balanced! lol....


7:03 PM  

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